A Day at Santa Monica Pier
by Elianna22
Summary: Ten years into the future Woody and Addison run a successful adult entertainment business in California. One day an old friend drops by for a visit. Rated M for adult jokes and conversation. One-shot.


**A/N: And now for something a little bit different…**

**Disclaimer: The only character I own is Stacy. Disney owns everyone else.

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**A Day at Santa Monica Pier

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The key to life, 26-year-old Zack Martin decided as he navigated the mid-morning traffic on Santa Monica Boulevard, was the American Express Black Card. All he'd had to do was hand it over at the luxury car rental place, sign a few forms, and they'd let him drive off the lot in this incredible silver Aston Martin. Yes, he could definitely get used to living like this. Too bad the name on the card was actually Cody Martin.

Thirty minutes later Zack pulled up to a non-descript brick building in Van Nuys, in the heart of the San Fernando Valley, aka San Pornando Valley. An old friend was waiting at the side entrance. The brown-haired man was slim in a muscular way and wore a short-sleeved red shirt, grey shorts, and trainers. A huge grin lit up his face.

"Zack, I can't believe it's you," he called out as he rushed over. "And I really can't believe this James Bond car!"

Zack stepped out of the grand tourer feeling like 007 himself. "Believe it, Woodman," he stated.

Woody grabbed him in a manly hug and slapped his back a few times. "Dude, I never thought I'd see you again," he exclaimed. "What a surprise!"

"Stranger things have happened." Zack was quite used to this reaction by now. Already willing to change the subject, he surveyed his friend's new kingdom. "Woodman Studios," he marveled. "From closet porn addict to adult film mogul... I always knew you had it in you, man."

The compliment definitely sounded weird. "That just didn't come out right," he amended. _Crap, that was even worse._

"OK, I'm just going to put my foot in my mouth now," he resolved.

"A wise choice, my friend," Woody said approvingly and patted his shoulder. "_Foot Fetish Fever_ is one of our top-selling titles. We're up to Part 5 now."

"So how did you pull all this off?" Zack asked as Woody led him into the building. There was no point even trying to edit his speech.

"We put Addison's trust fund to good use," Woody explained. "As soon as she turned 21, we knew it was time to make our dreams come true—if you know what I mean."

"Cool." There was no need to say anything more. Woody had always been famous for giving too much information.

"So how's Cody?" Woody asked once they were inside. The autographed porn star photos were the only giveaway of the type of business operating on the premises. Otherwise it looked like a regular office lobby with bland walls, big windows, and a lone receptionist.

"Why don't you just Google him and see for yourself?" This was the simplest answer Zack could give. "_Forbes_ did a profile of him in their September 16th issue."

"OK, will do." Woody glanced away for a moment. When his gaze returned, Zack could tell he was having difficulty looking at him directly.

" Zack... there's something I should tell you," Woody said, speaking hesitantly.

"Shoot, Woodchip." Zack cringed yet again at his spectacularly awkward choice of words.

Woody seemed uneasy now. "Um... Addison and I... we emailed Bailey when we got the bad news last summer. We just, uh, thought should she know."

Zack had not expected to hear this. He hadn't even known they were still in touch with her. All he could think of to say was, "You did, huh?"

"But we didn't get any reply," Woody hastened to say. "She might not have even received the email. It was an old email address. We haven't actually had any contact with her for years."

Taking a cue from old Luce in _The Catcher in the Rye_, the only book he'd enjoyed reading in high school, Zack decided not to pursue this horrible trend of thought. "So, where is Ms. Fink anyway?" he asked as brightly as he could.

"Here she comes now," Woody announced with pride in his voice. "May I present the star and executive producer of _Debutante Debauchery_!"

Zack saw a familiar figure emerge from a door marked "Studio" at the other end of the hallway. He recognized her from Seven Seas High and certain movies his recon buddies had downloaded.

"Zack!" Addison screamed. She broke into a run and threw her arms around him. "Oh my God, it's _so_ good to see you!"

She was still skin and bones, light enough for Zack to spin around a few times. The biggest difference was her gigantic, very round breasts that pressed firmly against him as he embraced her. There was no way they could be real.

"Addison Fink," he mused, setting her down by the front desk. "You've hardly changed a bit."

"Actually, it's Finkwright," she corrected. "I combined our names after we got married. 'Fink' plus 'Cartwright'—get it? "

Zack thought this sounded wrong somehow. "That's an... interesting last name," he said, trying to not sound rude.

Addison laughed knowingly. She seemed used to this type of feedback. "But it sounds _wrong_ in just in the _right_ way."

Then she peered closely at his face. "Cool scar," she commented. Woody nudged her tiny ribcage almost imperceptibly.

Zack resorted to his standard tough-guy response. "Chicks dig scars." As he regarded his two old friends, the sudden realization hit him. "You guys look just like your avatar selves in that _Better Life_ video game you used to play at Seven Seas High," he blurted.

This time they both laughed. "Yeah, we get that a lot," said Woody, putting his arm affectionately around Addison. "Brock Worthington was my first screen name and Peaches LeRoy was hers." Addison blushed and giggled.

"Hey, let's blow off work today," she said excitedly. "Zack's only in town for a few days and we have so much catching up to do. We're the bosses, we can do whatever we want."

Zack and Woody agreed to this plan. Woody updated Stacy the receptionist on where to send the afternoon film crew. "And make sure you order another crate of Viagra," he instructed her. "Hey, do you need any?" he added to Zack, almost as an afterthought.

"Uh, no thanks, I'm good," Zack replied. It was going to be a strange day. He could already tell.

[***]

The three friends piled into the Aston Martin. Sunlight pierced the veil of smog overhanging the Santa Monica Mountains as they drove east along Ventura Freeway, then south on Topanga Canyon Boulevard before linking up with Pacific Coast Highway.

Santa Monica Pier was surprisingly busy for a Friday afternoon in late September. It was like the West Coast version of Coney Island, Zack thought after they'd parked the car. He'd been to Coney Island on a recent business trip to New York. Another cluster of vintage rides, kitschy souvenir stands, and fast food vendors, plus one mega-long pier.

Addison linked arms with him and Woody as they strolled through the crowds. "It feels just like we're skipping school," she chattered happily. "Or like a ménage à trios," she joked. At least Zack assumed she was joking.

As if on cue, Woody's phone began to ring. "What do you mean Mitzi refused?" he demanded, lodging the earpiece in place. "This is a bongzo movie, for crying out loud. Just throw more money at her!" He wandered away from Zack and Addison, gesturing wildly. Some of his hand movements bordered on obscene.

"Industry lingo," Addison clarified.

"Got it." Zack had figured as much.

"Gimme a Halley's Comet," Woody was shouting now, oblivious to the stares of passersby. "A Halley's Comet is just what the scene needs."

"Do I even want to know what a Halley's Comet is?" Zack wondered aloud.

Addison took a bite of her churro. "Probably not."

Zack's own phone began to ring then. The caller's face on the video screen made him smile. The last time he'd seen that blonde hair, it had been full of bits of German chocolate cake. "Just a sec." He turned away from Addison, switched the blue slushie to his left hand, and pressed the phone to his ear. "Hey, Hannah, how's it going?"

"Just checking that we're still on for tomorrow," said the pop star cheerily.

"Yeah, for sure." Who in their right mind cancelled plans with Hannah Montana?

"Awesome. Meet me at one o'clock at Urth Caffé in West Hollywood—8565 Melrose Avenue." A minor crash sounded in the background, followed by a cry of "Sweet niblets!"

"OK, gotta go," said Hannah in a rushed tone.

"Cool, see you then." Zack slid the phone back into the pocket of his jeans. He was definitely looking forward to seeing another old friend on this impromptu weekend trip.

Addison had obviously been watching him. "Hey, I have an idea," she proposed.

"What?"

"How would you like a part in the next _Debutante Debauchery_ movie?"

"What would I have to do?" It couldn't hurt to ask. He took another slurp from the paper cup.

She leaned in and whispered something in his ear. Zack choked in shock, spraying a mouthful of blue slush into her canyonesque cleavage, barely concealed by her form-fitting pink sundress. "Oh shit, sorry!" he apologized.

Woody had returned. "You could always wear a mask," he offered. "Do you like latex?"

"Hey, let's go on some rides," Zack suggested to change the topic and pulled out his wallet. This was getting into the territory of too much information.

Addison dabbed at her chest with a napkin. She didn't seem too upset about the slushie splatter. "No worries, I'm used to getting stains on my dress," she told Zack.

They were in line for the Ferris wheel when Woody's phone rang again. "Sorry, guys, I gotta take this," he said and stepped aside.

Woody was still rambling when an attendant escorted Zack and Addison to a seat. "See you soon, baby," Addison called down to him as the ride started.

Even with the smog, the view was fantastic. They could just make out the Hollywood sign against the hills in the distance. "This is the world's first solar-powered Ferris wheel," Zack remarked. "Cody would totally approve."

Addison leaned toward him again. "You know, I had such a crush on you at Seven Seas High," she said. Her voice sounded suspiciously like a purr.

This was hardly news to Zack. _Everyone_ had known about her crush on him back in the day.

"It kind of broke my heart that you were already into somebody else." Addison draped herself closer to him, her immense breasts grazing his lap.

Zack shifted uncomfortably, gripping the safety bar as a distraction. He still thought of Woody as one of his best friends, and Addison was Woody's wife. This was not a cool situation. "Hey, it's all water under the bridge now," he said, knowing how lame this sounded.

Addison burst into laughter. "Don't worry, I'm not hitting on you," she assured him. "But Woody and I are swingers, in case you were wondering."

"No, not really," he wanted to say. Instead he looked to the ground. A bizarre sight met his eyes.

Woody stood there, deep in conversation. Except now he was thrusting his hips and slapping his own behind. "That's how I want it done," he ordered. "Give her a real kabuki. The viewers will love it."

"He does realize he's surrounded by kids and families, right?" Zack asked, feeling a mix of awe, disgust, and horror. He was amazed that Cody's goofy gassy roommate had grown up into a porn actor turned mogul, much less one who practically mimed scenes from his movies in public. But he'd never been one to judge, and wasn't about to start now.

Addison rolled her sparkling brown eyes. "Let's just hope the kids don't know what 'kabuki' means."

Zack had to agree with her on that.

After the ride, it was time to get some food. "I haven't had a burrito in almost 10 years now," Woody informed Zack as they passed a Mexican food stall. "Not since the big scare."

"Good to know, buddy. Good to know." Zack still felt responsible for that incident, even though he hadn't been there at the time.

Woody put an arm around his old friend and messed up his hair. "Don't worry about it, man. It was best the thing that ever happened to me."

[***]

The sky flooded a light pink as the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. Zack was glad they'd stayed for this, even though he did want to get back to the L.A. Tipton and play video games with Cody in their suite. He swung the canvas shopping bag full of souvenir stuffed animals he'd bought for Maddie's daughters.

Addison broke away from them and ran a few paces down the beach. "Wooo hooo!" she yelled, flinging her hands up in the air. It was mind-boggling that she didn't keel straight over from the weight of her breasts and topple into the sand.

Woody chased her and grabbed her around the waist. Zack watched as the two swingers/business partners clowned around like kids, laughing and pushing each other while the tide rolled in.

Before long they were only a smudge in the twilight. The air turned cold as soon as the sun disappeared from view.

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**A/N: This one-shot was partly inspired by the "Better Life" avatars of Woody and Addison in the recent TSLOD episode "Goin' Bananas." It's also partly a chapter that will appear in Part 2 of the sequel to **_**Just One of the Guys**_**. The final published version will be somewhat different (and definitely t-rated) and the confusing stuff will make sense. I had fun writing it and wanted to post it now instead. Special thanks to woundedhearts and Lodylodylody for reviewing early drafts. Please free to read and review. You know I love to hear your thoughts. Xoxoxo – Ellie**


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